Big Fat Dating Rules
Do you have rules about dating? Are they based on your previous relationship or dating experiences?
Are your rules designed to save time or to stop you getting hurt again?
And is your readiness affected by how you think about yourself and your assumptions of what other people may think about you?
We recently interviewed a client after the relationship program about her refections on going through the RR program. What she hadn’t realised until day one of the first retreat was that she has so many ‘big fat rules’ around dating and her own readiness to meet someone. She realised had a lot of thought about her own romantic-relationship competence given how dating had been for her previously. RR is such a break through program because we know you don’t need to teach people how to be good at relationships. We are finding that everyone knows how to navigate relationships when they settle down to a more quiet and stable version of themselves. Relationship navigation becomes much more obvious and natural. The client I am describing is a great example of what happens when you can take your worries and concerns about getting it right or being anything other than yourself off the table.
She put it this way:
“when you take the list off the table and just see what happens, something magical happens in that”
This client describes her current relationship as “just so easy” in a way that is not only delightful and fun, but consistently effortless.
“Is ridiculous that you can have more fun than you did as a teenager”
The second thing that came up for this client was a feeling of not being ready. She, like many people we speak to, felt that she needed to look a certain way (it almost seems necessary to think we should be thinner, younger be a perfect human being etc) or be a certain way. When want really makes a difference is being comfortable to “just be myself, looking like I look, feeling like I feel” and the enjoyment and connection that this allows.
So next time you are thinking what should be ticked off your list or what needs to be improved before you are ready, maybe consider you might be making up un-necessary blockers to your own ability to just be you, connect freely and have more fun than you think you should be allowed.