Are you dating or interviewing for a role?
“Dates are supposed to be fun but dating was becoming a full time job.”
“For the first time last night I just listened. I usually interview (my dates). It was a really nice feeling.”
“I was interviewing every person for my check list. Now I am going to meet a person an be me. I could not do that before.”
Can you relate to these comments?
It’s such a common, but invisible part of what goes on in our head while on a date. I discovered this working with people who thought that the only reason they were single was because they had not got it right! Not picked the right partner. That they had not been specific enough (right line of work, right financials, or even the right eating habits).
I am often told by clients that their previous experience of getting hurt and disappointed has left them hopeless, coming to the conclusion that they just needed to try harder, be more careful and specific, so they will not get hurt again or feel a failure.
The idea is to be sure you are interested before you get comfortable.
What too often and invisibly ends up happening is this leads to them turning up to their dates with intensity, drive, focus and some level of suspicion. They spend the time assessing and filtering.
A great start to finding a more meaningful connection right?
Of course not, but this is such an innocent mistake to make.
What people rarely appreciate is that they can trust their mind when it is quiet. That you don’t need to assess people or use criteria to know what will work for you. Many people find the relationship of their dreams with people that miss most of their identified criteria.
We are focused on helping people learn how to take themselves off the hook and show up in more of an enjoyment mode, not on interview mode. So that if there is a spark, or nice connection, they will not miss it. They will feel it. They can enjoy it. That is how a spark becomes a flame.
