Dating yourself

Dating yourself

It sounds a bit weird as I write that down. But it’s a great description of an unexpected twist in the story of one of our clients. She’s a gorgeous (ex ballerina) barely forty something. She recently joined our relationship program. She was confident in life, killing it in her career and used a lot of her drive to fuel a second career as what she describes as a ‘serial dater’. Driven and committed to finding the man of her ‘tick box’ dreams.

Paula; How has dating changed for you since the program? from onethought on Vimeo.

Like many of our clients, she came in to the with a lot of energy, drive and focus to get this area of her life working. What she didn’t realise was that all this focus and drive was actually getting in her way. Here is how.

On the first weekend, as a good student, she listened as we asked her, with an open mind. We told her that we would not be starting with application but would be uncovering a foundation for more presence of mind and connection. She was a great student and she was stopped in her mental tracks. `always a good sign when learning something new.

Here is the twist. When I followed up with her a few weeks after the program to see what had been happening for her, she described a feeling that everything had changed. Most significantly, she had felt a deep connection with herself, this client was so appreciative and taken with the feeling of her non analytical deeper self that dating anyone else was a distraction for where she wanted to be. She felt joyful, light hearted and giggly. Her presence was so rich and open.

I was very happy for her. Her delight in her rediscovery of herself seemed great and I was especially curious to see where this would lead her.

Paula’s Current Relationship from onethought on Vimeo.

Fast forward 10 weeks.

In our next follow up Meeting I find the client as soft, warm and giggly as ever. But since we talked the first time, she has fallen into the most “effortless” relationship with a guy she met online. It was lovely see and feel how light hearted and natural she was about this new relationship. She described being “empty in the head and full in the heart” and what a nice feeling that was. She said that usually she would be the opposite. Can you relate to that?

She also said that connecting with herself more deeply allowed her to connect with someone else in a new way. We even joked that’s she’s now the main course and he is the nicest bonus bit on the side. A tasty side dish.

Now that’s food for thought.


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Big Fat Dating Rules



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